Micro Noises 204: It's getting drafty
Draft dreamers
The 2019 AFL National Draft is nearly upon us, so its time to gaze into our crazy crystal ball and see if we can conjure up some name nuttiness among the likely top 10 picks.
MATTHEW ROWELL: Widely tipped to be the number 1 selection, Matthew Rowell will become the third player of that surname to grace the V/AFL field. The first, Ted Rowell, was a superstar half-forward who came from Western Australia's goldfields to play in three Collingwood premierships. The other Rowell was St Kilda's Les. Born in 1921, he played 21 games for the Saints. Matthew was born in 2001, so let's hope that doesn't mean he only plays 01 AFL match.
NOAH ANDERSON: Though he would become only the third Noah in V/AFL history, Noah Anderson won't even become the first AFL Noah A when he makes his debut. He was beaten to the punch by Brisbane's Noah Answerth in Round 6 this year. There have been 48 Andersons who have played at V/AFL level. If another Anderson can sneak into the draft and debut before him, Noah might be able to claim the consolation prize of being the 50th Anderson.
SAM FLANDERS: No prizes for guessing that Sam Flanders cops the nickname 'Ned' wherever he goes. That won't stop when he gets drafted into the AFL. Perhaps he would be best suited at the Western Bulldogs. After all, the Dogs play two home games a year at Mars Stadium, and SAM FLANDERS is an anagram of AFL'S MARS NED. Sam, by the way, will become the first V/AFL Flanders in history when he makes his debut.
TOM GREEN: A likely top five pick, Tom Green will hoping to play more games than Tom Green, who made three appearances for Hawthorn in 1935, and to live longer than Norwood's Tom Green, who died in mysterious circumstances at just 33 years of age.
CALEB SERONG: Caleb Serong's debut will see him become the second player of that surname to grace a V/AFL field. Caleb won't mind emulating the career of the first, Bill Serong, who played in a premiership with Collingwood in his third season in 1958, and 114 games overall for the Magpies and North Melbourne.
HAYDEN YOUNG: Hayden as a first name already has a solid lead over Hayden as a surname in the V/AFL season. Although two surname Haydens (Bernie and Ian) appeared before a first name Hayden (Lamaro) came along, first-name Haydens now have a 6-4 lead over surname Haydens. And young Hayden Young's prospective 2020 debut will make it 7-4.
LACHIE ASH: Over 123 seasons of V/AFL footy, the surnames Nash, Pash and Cash have all shown up at least once, but to date, we have not seen an Ash. If Lachie Ash is not drafted by Hawthorn — who have Conor Nash on their list — when his team takes on the Hawks, we could well see the first Ash-Nash clash.
LUKE JACKSON: He may be an anagram of CLUNKS A JOKE, but whoever drafts ruckman LUKE JACKSON will be hoping he clunks a mark or two per quarter when he becomes an AFL player. There have been 24 surname Jacksons in V/AFL history and 10 first-name Jacksons. The interesting aspect of that fact is that the 24 surnames all came first, and the 10 first names have all debuted since. Luke's debut will break the run.
DEVEN ROBERTSON: We've had three dozen Robertsons play V/AFL footy but so far no Devens. Deven Robertson looks likely to become the first, which will make scores level at 1-1 in the great Devon/Deven battle. The Devon is Smith, who has played 138 games for GWS and Essendon. Whether the Bombers will bend over backwards to ensure that Deven and Devon play together is unknown, but DEVEN ROBERTSON's anagram — ER... DONS BENT OVER — suggests they might!
DYLAN STEPHENS: With an anagram that describes the duration and finish of his career — PLAYS, THEN ENDS — Dylan Stephens will likely become the 11th Dylan to play V/AFL footy. All of those have come since 2001. Surprisingly, Dylan has never appeared as a surname among the 12,761 V/AFL players, which must be a disappointment for singer Bob. Having said that, Bob's real surname is Zimmerman, and we have had one of those — Jack, who played for Footscray in the 1930s.
BRODIE KEMP: One might have expected him to be more interested in riding small motorcycles, given he's an anagram of MOPED BIKER, but instead BRODIE KEMP will be looking to become the 9th first name Brodie and 9th surname Kemp to play V/AFL footy. If he does, let's hope he's wearing the number 9 when he runs out for his debut.
MILES BERGMAN: With a name that sounds more like that of a singer or a movie star, it probably won't surprise many to learn that Miles Bergman, when he steps onto the field for his first AFL game, will be the first Miles and the first Bergman to play in the V/AFL. In doing so he will join such legendary double unique names as Trojan Darveniza, Urban Duniam, Bohdan Jaworskyj, and of course, the player after whom this column is named, Enrico Misso.
Micro Noises is Andrew Gigacz's regular, quirky look at all things footy. The name Micro Noises is an anagram of Enrico Misso, who played one game for St Kilda in 1985. He remains the only Enrico and the only Misso to have played footy at the highest level.
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