Micro Noises 97: Loopy ladder time
Ladder logjam
As we head towards the finals Hawthorn is looking more and more like a team that could emulate Brisbane's feat of a decade ago by winning three flags in a row. It would undoubtedly be a great feat and one worthy of high praise, but it's not necessarily a scenario to which every footy fan is looking forward. So, especially for those fans who are getting just the tiniest bit tired of the Hawks being so consistently good, we present to you a possible post-round 23 ladder based on the results below. Now, we do stress that it's a possible scenario, not a probable one. In fact, given it has Hawthorn getting thrashed in each of its remaining games, it's highly improbable. But, hey, we can all still dream, can't we?
Suggested winners and margins over the next seven rounds:
ROUND 17 | CARL 100 | GCO 1 | GWS 12 | FREM 30 | ESS 60 | BRIS 1 | COLL 1 | WCO 60 | MELB 1 |
ROUND 18 | RICH 12 | BRIS 30 | MELB 60 | ADEL 12 | CARL 30 | GCO 12 | STK 60 | FREM 12 | ESS 60 |
ROUND 19 | ADEL 1 | CARL 60 | PORT 30 | BRIS 12 | WCO 100 | GEEL 30 | MELB 60 | ESS 30 | STK 30 |
ROUND 20 | COLL 1 | ESS 30 | STK 1 | PORT 30 | GEEL 100 | BRIS 12 | GCO 30 | FREM 12 | MELB 60 |
ROUND 21 | PORT 100 | COLL 1 | GWS 30 | GCO 12 | BRIS 1 | STK 60 | NM 100 | WB 60 | CARL 1 |
ROUND 22 | GEEL 30 | CARL 1 | BRIS 100 | NM 1 | ESS 60 | PORT 1 | WCO 12 | MELB 100 | STK 30 |
ROUND 23 | ESS 60 | PORT 1 | NM 30 | CARL 100 | DRAW (GE-AD) | GCO 30 | MELB 12 | STK 1 | WB 30 |
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Now, dear readers, before you break into howls of protest about the unlikeliness of the results above, we implore you to remember that this is an exercise in pure whimsy. Nevertheless, until the ball is bounced at Docklands tonight, this scenario will remain within the realms of possibility. And what will it mean if the results do fall that way? It means that the ladder as at the end of round 23 will be as it appears at right.
Such a ladder would have 13 teams finishing on 44 points, separated by a mere 0.6 percentage points. In such a scenario an extra goal for or against would be the difference between finishing third and 15th on the ladder!
As incredible and unlikely as that ladder is, it is in fact possible that, if the margins of several games were tweaked by a few extra points, all 13 of those teams could in fact finish with a percentage of exactly 100.0. As much as a headache as that would create for Gil McLachlan and his mates at the AFL, we'd love to see it! And if you're wondering how Gil and co would sort out such a mess, the teams would be ranked according to their results for and against each other during the year.
In this scenario, that would be problematic for Adelaide and Geelong. With their first encounter being cancelled and their return encounter in round 23 a draw, there would be no way to rank one above the other. But the AFL does have a way of separating the teams in case such an unlikely confluence does occur - they simply toss a coin! If there's ever been a flip-of-the-coin match-up, then that is certainly one!
Demons make progress
Melbourne supporters sometimes wonder if the Demons have made progress under Paul Roos, especially after recent losses to West Coast and Essendon, and a very uninspiring win over Brisbane last Sunday. But here at Micro Noises we can confirm that the numbers show that the team of the red and the blue is making progress. The Demons scored 50, 50 and 50 in their matches in rounds five, six and seven and now in rounds 14, 15 and 16, they have registered totals of 60, 60 and 60. At this rate of progress, Melbourne will score 70 in round 23 this year, and in rounds one and two next year. The Demons will then score 80 in rounds nine, 10 and 11 of 2016, and 90 in rounds 18 through 20. By 2017 Melbourne fans can expect to see regular scores of 100 and 110. That will surely be enough to make every heart beat true.
Sweet 16
If anybody who was watching Geelong beat the Western Bulldogs at Kardinia Park last Saturday - the 18th of July - was doing so on their 16th birthday, then the day was probably even more special than they realised. The Cats won 72 to 64, a score not seen since 1999 when Port Adelaide defeated Sydney at Football Park. It just so happens that that match was also played on the 18th of July.
Wayward Weagles win with one-of-a-kind score
It wasn't a score that would get them nominated for the Bill Collins Medal, but the Eagles' 11.21.87 was enough for them to get over Collingwood by 31 points last Saturday. It was the 26th time in history that a team has scored 11.21, but the first time West Coast has registered it and also the first time it's been seen at Docklands Stadium.
The Marginal Medal
It escaped our notice last week but Essendon's win over Melbourne in round 15 propelled 9 points to outright leadership in the race to win the Marginal Medal. We have now had seven 9-point games in 2015, with 10 points being a margin six times. Melbourne's four-goal win over Brisbane last Sunday saw 24 points move into equal-third place with 7 points, each of those having come up four times this season.
Score Wars
Essendon's round 15 win also saw 69 come up as a final score for the eighth time this season, giving it a share of the lead with 78. They have a lead of two over 85, 84, 73, 68 and 60, with each of those having been seen six times.
First among unequals
2015 has been quite a year for first-time score pairings and round 16 provided us with two new ones. Hawthorn's big win over Sydney was a surprise to most, in terms of the margin, but it won't surprise many to learn that the final score of 147 v 56 has not been seen before at VFL/AFL level. Perhaps a bit more of a surprise is that Adelaide's thrilling win over Port was the first occurrence in history of a 116 v 113 scoreline.
Postcode of the week
Carlton made a good fist of its match against Fremantle for three quarters last Saturday night, but in the end the Navy Blues were just a little bit light on for personnel. It's probably fitting, then, that their goal total at the end of each quarter was 3, 6, 8 and 8, because 3688 is the postcode of Indigo Valley.
Ridiculous footy anagram of the week
Last Sunday's Melbourne v Brisbane game at the MCG was lambasted as one of the worst matches of footy in a long time. The two teams scored only 12 goals between them, and only three each after quarter time. It was not the sort of match one would hold up when educating someone about the greatness of our game. The game's official AFL Twitter hashtag was #AFLDeesLions and, anagrammatically speaking, we'd say the #AFLDEESLIONS match was a FAILED LESSON in footy.
Anagrammatic postcode of the week
In fact the game was such a dud in the eyes of some fans, they jeered the play and wanted the bell to be rung early. Perhaps that's not surprising, given that the final score was 60-36, and that 6036 is the postcode of Jindaloo and Butler in WA, and that JINDALOO AND BUTLER, WA is an anagram of JEER AT DUD, "I WANNA BELL!"
Micro Noises is Andrew Gigacz's regular, quirky look at all things footy. The name Micro Noises is an anagram of Enrico Misso, who played one game for St Kilda in 1985. He remains the only Enrico and the only Misso to have played footy at the highest level.
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